I heard we made out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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