idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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