Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
