like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
