he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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