I have demons in me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
