I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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