Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
