If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
