He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
