Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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