Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
