Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
