What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry