before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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