By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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