Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  whatever it's not my family

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  (847): this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment. (1-847): whatever it's not my family http://tfl.nu/qbfh
  Replies (1) Good night (2327) Bad night (660)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

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  (586): sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey. http://tfl.nu/7b75
  Replies (15) Good night (3633) Bad night (655)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall

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  (617): I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall http://tfl.nu/nke4
  Replies (19) Good night (4977) Bad night (887)
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  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

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  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8863) Bad night (1413)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.

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  (563): The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/t1x0
  Replies (10) Good night (4738) Bad night (1100)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry

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  (715): I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry http://tfl.nu/qzk6
  Replies (23) Good night (1675) Bad night (4154)
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  (530): View more from California

  We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."

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  (530): We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out." http://tfl.nu/0tb5
  Replies (3) Good night (3694) Bad night (936)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.

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  (504): seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams. http://tfl.nu/awr2
  Replies (5) Good night (1896) Bad night (831)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.

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  (320): Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean. http://tfl.nu/p8ix
  Replies (6) Good night (2429) Bad night (646)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.

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  (812): She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch. http://tfl.nu/v1q1
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (1178)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.

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  (201): Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin. http://tfl.nu/tejt
  Replies (2) Good night (1227) Bad night (458)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?

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  (541): How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight? http://tfl.nu/vr15
  Replies (10) Good night (894) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.

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  (858): Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke. http://tfl.nu/9t6d
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Did you leave ur panties in the sink?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Kitchen or bathroom?

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  (940): Did you leave ur panties in the sink? (214): Kitchen or bathroom? http://tfl.nu/vwsu
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.

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  (206): Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix. http://tfl.nu/tj1m
  Replies (2) Good night (388) Bad night (152)

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