Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor