Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.