I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
