Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.