I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
