Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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(714): my room smells like sperm. sweet. http://tfl.nu/th94

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(239): View more from Florida

I wish I could drop acid with the muppets

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(239): I wish I could drop acid with the muppets http://tfl.nu/kqkl

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(631): View more from New York

I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.

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(631): I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky. http://tfl.nu/xwxi

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(714): View more from California

his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time

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(714): his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time http://tfl.nu/seuc

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(303): View more from Colorado

I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

(720): View more from Colorado

Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

(303): View more from Colorado

But what if I pay for the gas?

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(303): I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain. (720): Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic. (303): But what if I pay for the gas? http://tfl.nu/j2h0

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(847): View more from Illinois

Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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(847): Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better. http://tfl.nu/ewir

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(519): View more from Ontario

i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

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(519): i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own http://tfl.nu/ot8v

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(615): View more from Tennessee

How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?

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(615): How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"? http://tfl.nu/jnls

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(805): View more from California

I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.

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(805): I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something. http://tfl.nu/b077

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags

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(610): I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags http://tfl.nu/4wxr

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(314): View more from Missouri

I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.

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(314): I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from. http://tfl.nu/x0kt

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?

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(859): I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!? http://tfl.nu/cr9e

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(760): View more from California

He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

(619): View more from California

he what???

(760): View more from California

Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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(760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag

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(425): View more from Washington

This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed

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(425): This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed http://tfl.nu/f7du

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(908): View more from New Jersey

When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

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(908): When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!" http://tfl.nu/ui55

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