Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
