God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.