You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
