Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ttyl tear gas
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
