Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
