I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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