Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
