Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
