found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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