we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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