i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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