If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
