Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
