The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize