Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
