She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
