I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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