She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
