every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
