we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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