OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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