Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
