Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
