please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
