I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
