i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
