Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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