It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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