coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
