I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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