My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My ass is underappreciated
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
