I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
