For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
