I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
