first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
