Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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