He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
