Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
