We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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