I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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