so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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