its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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