I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
our cab driver is having phone sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
