and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
