I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
