can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
