yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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