I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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