Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
