if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
