If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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