I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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