So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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