They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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