YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
