can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
