Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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