need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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