I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
