Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
