so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
