I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
