I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
