Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
