She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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